|Back of the store, pre-renovation.|
Lots to do huh?
I had this grand vision of what I wanted in my head, and it just won't actually be able to happen, not right away at least. We'll be constantly adding to and expanding the store over time, but realistically it's not going to get to the level I wanted for a good six months, and that makes the perfectionist in me go crazy with frustration. There's not a lot I can do, but the little I can do I'm doing my best to help. I'm even selling some of my brand, which I have never ever done, no matter how hard up I was financially, and there have been some pretty dire moments in my life. The one time I did it was to buy the plane tickets to fly to Perth to meet the man who is now my fiance, and that was a combination of crazy gut instinct and the fact I owned the dress in two colourways and it wasn't as big a deal to sell the one I never wore.
Opening up your own business is so hard, especially when you're only 23, unemployed thanks to an injury and depression and have shit credit history. I've always been good with business and entrepreneurship, and I have all these ideas and plans, but taking them from the idea stage to practical application is terrifyingly difficult. The support I've been getting from my fiance/business partner, my friends, my family and the people who I've met through running Tokyo Hardcore has just been phenomenal. Seriously, without the beautiful people in my life this wouldn't be happening, so thank you, from the bottom of my heart <3
The only downside to this is when things mess up I feel like I've let them down, like I should have been working harder and made it so that things didn't go stupid in the first place. That's why I wish I was a superhero, because they never let people down. The fact that I'm just one person with flaws and problems is just not good enough, in my mind it's irrelevant because I should be better. It doesn't bother me how hard I am on myself, that's the only way I'll ever be able to grow and be better, so it's worth it.
I can't wait till it's open so I can stop worrying and nitpicking every tiny detail before it's even complete.
I can't wait until I can get a full night's sleep, and have a proper routine so I eat and exercise regularly.
I can't wait to actually see friends and go raving and have hobbies.
I can't wait until I have time to sew and design again.
I can't wait till I can spend quality time with my amazing fiance.
But most of all, I can't wait till I can sit quietly on the floor in my shop after it's closed for the day, lights off so it's only illuminated by the lights outside, surrounded by beautiful things and beautiful dresses, leaning against the antique counter Heaven and I are restoring, and just smile. Because somehow, through some crazy miracle and lots of luck and love and hard work, I've made something special that makes people happy.
It's this little fantasy which sustains me throughout all the hard times, when I'm tired and sore, covered in paint and crying from the stress. Maybe it's not the most glamorous thing that I'll be doing while running Tokyo Hardcore, but I think it's little moments like that which are what really define you and make life as amazing as it is, and let you appreciate what you've accomplished.
I can't wait <3